I was listening to the program "life matters" on Radio National this morning and they were having an interesting conversation about the problems parents were having with children and teenagers who spent too much time online. Quite an appropriate topic I thought considering our currently assessment-shackled online existence. During the discussion I found myself as an onliner getting rather angry at the lack of understanding and narrow perspectives expressed by guests and talk-back callers alike. So in a fit of passion I sat down afterwards and wrote them and email. It went like this:
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I am writing this email as a young adult who has grown up using the Internet, especial for instant messaging and all manner online interaction.
It became clear to me as I listened to your program on the “Digital Household” that there is a significant conceptual gap between those generations who have not been deeply involved with the Internet at a young age and those who have.
I think it can best be illustrated with the terminology used by your guests and by those who called in (who were as far as I could tell all parents). I heard the words “on the computer” more times than I could count as well as phrases like “I tell them they have to get off the computer” or “I take the computer away”. Here can be seen the gap I am concerned about. It is obvious through these comments that older generations see the “computer” and not the “online environment”. Or as I think it should be described, the “online society”.
I felt that there was only one caller who understood the difference between these perspectives. He commented on how when he was young parents told their children to go out and play in the world. He then went on to point out that the “world” is now in the child or teenager’s room. This is exactly right and it explains, I believe, why parents have such a hard time coming to grips with not just the fact that their children spend so much time online, but “how” they can and why teenagers react so aggressively when parents attempt to disconnect them.
The perspective from a person well versed in online interaction is very different. The Online world is a “world” and a “society” in the same way that Australian concrete society exists. It operates very much the same way. It has its own mores and taboos, rules of conversation and conduct. But here is the catch, these rules are different from the rules of “real” society. And here is the conflict between those who know them and those who don’t. One of your callers stated that she would “go into the office and tell her teen that they had to get off the computer NOW.” This to someone who sees the teen as simply “sitting on the computer”, which is an anti real-world exercise, is fine. But to the online participant it is decidedly rude. It is clear when a simple real world example is used, if two people were having a conversation face to face and a third party burst into the middle and addressing one party but not the other said “you have to stop talking NOW”, there would be serious conflict created. In fact a parent wouldn’t dream of doing that to one of their teen’s friends face to face. This is exactly what is happening to the teen online when the parent bursts into the room making demands.
To be completely obvious the teen might be in the middle of a discussion on philosophy, or what they are going to do on the weekend, or some completely online experience, but the parent does not know this, they are making the assumption because its “on the computer” it can’t be “important” They don’t know the rules of this online society and so just like a deviant in “real” society they are continually breaking them and invoking the sanctions of that society just like they would in real world. The issue is that they don’t have to continue to interact there, but their children do.
As I said before the societies are not the same. It is all right to remove one speaker from a conversation and not affect the other in the online world if the social rules are followed. For example a simple “GTG” or “got to go” will make it obvious that the person is “AFK” or “away from keyboard”. The other participant can write an email or leave an offline message, meaning that conversations can span days or even weeks. These differences are vast and as was picked up by some of the guests on the show even including the creation of entirely new forms of language.
I heard repeatedly in the voices of your guests to some extent, but mostly in your callers a note of, “I know what they are doing, and I know what is important” (not to mention that this generally equated to paper books, which are readily available in electronic form online!). To me this comes off as nothing but arrogant. Here is an example, many of the non-Internet generation may think of themselves as understanding the online world because they use email at work or have spent half an hour on instant messaging. The example of a friend of mine’s mother will surface. In an attempt to explain to his mother why he enjoyed the online world he sat her down and made her message people for half an hour. At the end she said, “This is boring, I don’t really like it.” To her it was perfectly simple, the experience was cumbersome and frustrating. To her son it was exceedingly funny to watch his mother misinterpret the conversation, end up several points behind for lack of typing speed, and generally stick out like a sore thumb as a person with no social ability in this environment. No one would spend half an hour in another culture or in another country and pretend to understand the culturally-bond mind and metal constructions of those around them. More to the point if they did they would be accused of cultural arrogance and insensitivity.
This is not to say that the older generation cannot become socialised in the online world. They most certainly can. My same friend’s father, who is 51 years old has spent the last five or so years gradually expanding in this online world. He is now, after five years, reasonably versed in the culture. However, it must be stressed, he is not a local yet, he is not a native. He is, to use a “real” world example, an ex-patriot living in and creating a new life in a new country. Anyone can understand the online culture but they have to put the effort in and not simply make decision based on out of date concepts of computers. If they do not have the desire or time to properly do so, then they should understand at least that it exists as another culture and extend the same curiosity, respect and sensitivity when interacting with those in it as we would to any other society.
Finally, I would like to state firmly my position as a member of the online social world. I am studying a law/psychology double degree. I speak English and Spanish, and have a large group of friend who I entertain for dinner, go to restaurants and movies with and generally do all the things a young adult normally does with their friends in the “real” world. However, I also have an active online social experience and my computer is the first thing to be turned on in the morning and the last to be turned off at night if it is at all. This side of my person, of my identity, was frankly rebelled and infuriated by the lack of understanding that was expressed in your program by callers and guests alike. Comments such as “They feel like they will be left out off something and be embarrassed at school the next day” are honestly incredibility naive, because they are defining one society as being nothing more than an activity in another.
There is a serious conceptual gap here that needs to be addressed not by outsiders, but explained by those who actually live in the online society. Where were their representatives on your show? Where were the people who grew up there? Who have lived there most if not all of their lives and developed there? The citizens of the online society understand the importance of both worlds, they understand the social rules of both, and want to adhere to both sets of rules. Its is those who only live in one that don’t that are having problems, admittedly parents will say “My child only lives online”, but this is false, the child goes to school, plays and interacts with friends there, for the large majority of every day. It’s the parents who in this case really “don’t understand” because they don’t “live” in the same place as their children and never have.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Now I will take the time to say thank you for making it all the way through my essay like defense of the online social world. However all this did get me thinking... I think there is a considerable P.H.D in this field. If someone hasn't already done it. The discussion to my mind centers around the interaction between cognition (schemas etc), social interaction and developmental psychology. And I find it fascinating. So here are the questions:
1: What do you psychies think about online culture? is it something equatable with the real word?
2: Does the interaction between the two worlds detract from both? does it enrich them?
3: Is it really a case of another culture with mores and taboos, that can be taught? (my example in the email of a fifty year old man getting there but finding it hard to do the things a seven or eight year old can do if brought up in that world)
An interesting topic don't you think? I hope you guys check out the podcast on the life matters site and get into this one :)
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